A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
