Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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