someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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