The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
