your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
