Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
