i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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