Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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