Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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