im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
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His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
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Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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