Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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