I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
