Moan for me like Helen Keller
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
