Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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