I'm gonna have a badass scar
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
