What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
