Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
