swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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