I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
