I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
