I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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