We named our party play list daddy issues
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
