first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
