If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
