Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
