I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
