Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
