oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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