all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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