why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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