Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
