So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
