i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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