How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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