how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
