how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
