I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
