Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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