I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
