I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
