Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
