you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I didn't shave. On purpose
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize