okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
