Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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