two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
