ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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