Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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