bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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