woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I wear drunk well.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
