Your face is a jimmy john
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
