I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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