you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
