Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
