I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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