do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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