saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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