pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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