so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
