No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
