i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
COCAINE IS GR8
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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