My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
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Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
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Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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