eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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