It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
