so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
