I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
