What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
