You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
