gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She bit a glass in half.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
