I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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