I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize