I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
