I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
